


Sugar, We're Goin' Down

by angelsfalling16



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, It is now, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, PWP, Pining, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Semi-Public Sex, Simon just thinks that, SnowBaz, Unrequited Love, basically it's just, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-09-25 20:20:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Simon keeps running into Baz at various bars, and even though he knows that there is no way that it will end well, he can't keep his hands off of him.





	1. Sugar, We're Goin' Down

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy

The first time that it happened, Simon was a little drunk, but not drunk enough to be able to blame his choices on the alcohol. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he’s not sure that he would have done anything different had he been completely sober.

He hadn’t seen Baz in years and running into him that night came as a shock, especially when he saw what Baz was wearing.

He’d never seen Baz outside of their school uniforms, and they were never the type of friends who hung out outside of class. Mainly because they weren’t friends at all. They could barely sit in the same room without getting into an argument with each other.

That night, as he heard a familiar voice behind him, he couldn’t believe his eyes when he found none other than Baz Pitch standing there, wearing tightly-clad, artfully ripped black trousers along with a white button up that was sheer enough to almost be see through, the sleeves rolled up to just above his elbows.

If that weren’t enough to have Simon’s mouth going suddenly dry, Baz’s eyes were also rimmed in a dark eyeliner, bringing out the silver color of his eyes, even in the dim lighting, and there was a tattoo peeking out from beneath his shirt sleeve.

It was another moment before Baz saw him standing there, and Simon was happy to see how surprised he was to see him there, too, his eyes dragging slowly down Simon’s body before coming back up to meet his eyes.

“Simon,” he breathed, eyes going wide with surprise before he managed to school his features.

“Baz,” Simon replied with a nod, not sure what else to say. What do you say to the guy you basically hated and who you may or may not have developed a crush on at one point?

“You here alone?” Baz asked, leaning against the bar beside him, and Simon struggled to keep his eyes on Baz’s face.

“I was here with a couple of friends, but they just left. I was actually on my way out.”

“That’s too bad because I just got here.” He shrugged, but there was this look in his eyes that made Simon begin to wonder if maybe he really was disappointed. “Well, it was nice seeing you.”

“Wait,” Simon said as Baz turned away, resisting the urge to reach out and grab his arm. “Would you like to go somewhere more quiet and talk for a moment?”

He didn’t really want to talk, and even though he once thought that he’d be happy if he never saw Baz again after they finished school, he suddenly didn’t want him to go.

“Sure,” Baz said, a little warily, but a smirk curved his lips.

Simon turned, not bothering to check that Baz was following him, and led him to the back of the club where the bathrooms were.

He pushed on the door and was relieved to find that there was no one else inside.

“I really hope you didn’t bring me in here just to talk, Snow,” Baz said quietly, slipping right back into calling Simon by his last name, just like when they were in school together.

“You called me Simon before.”

“No, I didn’t.”

We just stood there quietly after that, intensely gazing at each other, and before Simon knew what was happening, Baz had pushed him back against the door, angling his face down until their lips were just a breath apart.

Simon froze, and his eyes were drawn to Baz’s mouth, wanting to lean forward and kiss him, but Baz’s hands were still on his hips, holding him in place.

“What did you want to talk about?” Baz murmured.

“Nothing.” Simon swallowed hard as Baz moved closer to him.

“No?”

Simon shook his head just slightly. “I just didn’t want you to go. _Fuck_, you look gorgeous in these jeans.”

Simon cursed himself silently for letting the words slip out, but with how close Baz was, he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t help but reach out to touch either, his hands landing on Baz’s hips, fingers slipping into the belt loops to pull him closer until their bodies were pressed up against each other.

Baz’s nosed bumped into his, and he let it rest there so that their breaths mixed. If either of them moved just a bit, their lips would meet, and Simon’s heart began to race at the thought.

That moment felt like a dream as they both stilled, waiting to see who would make the next move. Simon was afraid that anything that he might do would be the wrong thing, and he didn’t want to mess this up, especially if it was his only chance to be like this with Baz.

Their breathing sounded harsh in the quiet of the room as their eyes met, and Simon could feel his heart beating in his chest. He used to dream about this, having Baz this close to him. He never thought it would actually happy, and he never could have dreamt up the way that Baz was looking at him.

Simon was wondering whether Baz was actually going to kiss him when Baz dropped to his knees and began to undo the button of Simon’s trousers.

“W-What are you doing?” Simon gasped.

“What does it look like?” Baz asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“What if someone tries to get in?”

“Lock the door, and we’ll be fine.”

Simon did as he said, and his head thumped back against the door as Baz’s hand made contact with his cock, pulling it out and moving his hand slowly from root to tip.

Simon sighed, his eyes falling shut as Baz’s lips brushed over the tip of his cock, teasing.

Simon brought one hand up to loosely tangle in Baz’s hair, and Baz’s lips moved down, sucking and licking at the head of his cock.

The slow pace was tortuous, but Simon couldn’t complain because it felt wonderful.

Baz’s mouth was perfectly sinful as it began to move over his cock, drawing little moans from him that he struggled to hold back.

Baz brought one hand up to fondle Simon’s balls, rolling them gently and adding a light pressure occasionally. Then, his hand started moving farther back, and Simon gasped as he felt one of Baz’s fingers brush over his hole.

When Baz’s finger added pressure, Simon came hard, much sooner than expected and too quickly to warn Baz. He tried to bite back the moan that escaped him but failed miserably.

Baz gagged but managed to swallow almost all of Simon’s come.

“Sorry,” Simon murmured as he slumped against the wall, exhausted.

Baz shook his head, standing up, knees sore from the unforgiving tile of the bathroom floor. “No need to apologize.”

It took another moment for Simon to recover, but then he was reaching out to touch Baz. 

“Here, let me help you with that,” Simon whispered against Baz’s ear as his hand joined Baz’s on his cock that he had apparently freed while Simon was distracted.

Simon pushed Baz’s tight jeans farther down with his free hand and started to explore the exposed skin of his thighs and arse as their hands moved in tandem over Baz’s cock, quickly bringing him to climax.

Baz moaned low in Simon’s ear as he climaxed, his body shaking against Simon’s, and Simon stroked him through it, only letting go when Baz pulled back.

As his eyes trailed over Baz’s mussed, yet still beautiful, appearance, Simon yearned to kiss him, and he wasn’t sure where that need was coming from or why it was so strong.

He felt happy and sated, but for some reason, he still wanted more.

“I should go,” Baz said, suddenly unable to meet Simon’s eyes.

“Shouldn’t we talk about this?” Simon asked, not because he really wanted to but because he didn’t want Baz to leave yet.

Baz simply shook his head as he buttoned his jeans then Simon’s, something that felt oddly intimate and left sparks on Simon’s skin.

“It’s just a bit of fun between old school rivals.”

Simon wanted to argue that it was more than just “a bit” of fun, but then Baz was turning away from him to wash his hands. Simon was still leaning against the door when Baz turned back around, and as he moved closer and closer, Simon gasp quietly thinking - wishing - that he was about to kiss him, but then, Baz reached around Simon to unlock the door, barely even looking at him. 

Simon quickly stepped out of his way, and without another word, Baz disappeared back out into the crowd, and Simon was left feeling both confused and sated, wondering what the hell just happened.

***

The next time they met, Baz was a little more casually dressed in a plain black t-shirt that dips slightly to reveal the smooth expanse of his olive skin. His jeans were looser that time, but barely so, and there was no trace of any makeup. Even so, he looked just as beautiful as the last time.

Simon and Baz actually managed to make it out of the bar and back to Simon’s place before clothes started to come off.

All of their clothes were gone by the time they settled on top of Simon’s bed together, and Simon had begun to suck on the side of Baz’s neck when he was suddenly being pushed gently away. He moved so that his face was just above Baz’s so that he could see his expression, looking at him quizzically.

“I don’t want you to give me any hickeys.”

“Oh.”

“I just don’t want anyone to see and start asking questions.” He looked away as he said it, which was good for Simon because it gave him a chance to hide his disappointment

“Okay,” Simon said, trying not to sound disappointed and failing. Before Baz could comment on it, though, Simon moved down his body and began sucking on his cock.

The weight of Baz’s cock on his tongue made Simon forget about everything else, and Simon let his hands roam over Baz’s body as he sucked him, rubbing his thighs then up his chest, where he pinched and tugged on his nipples 

Baz’s body tensed beneath him, and Simon was sure that Baz was about to come when he pushed Simon off of him for the second time that night.

Before Simon could ask what was wrong, Baz had flipped them so that he was hovering over Simon, then slowly, he ground his cock down against Simon’s.

Simon moaned loudly at the unexpectedness of it.

Baz set up a steady pace, wrapping his hand around both of their cocks, pulling them together. Simon reached down to help, but Baz used his free hand to push his hand away, bringing their hands above Simon’s head and intertwining their fingers.

The slick of Baz’s cock from having Simon’s mouth around it just moments before eased the slide of their cocks together.

Simon gasped as Baz sped up his hand on their cocks, and it wasn’t long before he was coming between them, Baz coming soon after.

Baz let go of Simon’s hand almost immediately, and Simon bit back a frown at it.

They both relaxed as they came back down from the high of their orgasms, and Baz’s face came down so that their lips were mere centimeters apart, and Simon was so sure that he was about to kiss him when Baz rolled off of him, asking where the restroom was so that he could clean up.

He was gone from Simon’s flat quickly, collecting every article of clothing that had been tossed carelessly aside, and in the morning, Simon felt as though he had imagined it all. The only evidence that Baz was ever there was the used condom in the trash can and the smell of him on the bed sheets.

Once again, Simon was left alone, and he couldn’t help but think that Baz was only using him to get off and that he didn’t care that it was Simon he was with.

Simon wished that he felt that way, too, but there was something tugging at him, and he knew that he felt different about what they were doing than Baz did.

This was beginning to mean something to him, and he should probably put an end to it before it got out of hand.

***

Of course, when they ran into each other for the third time and Baz invited Simon back to his place, he couldn’t say no.

As Simon followed Baz to his flat in his own car, he was left with far too much time to think about what it was that they were doing.

Simon had never really been one for one-night stands or meaningless flings or whatever it was that you could call what he and Baz were doing, but it was like he couldn’t stay away from him for long.

As soon as he saw him in that bar that night, he could feel himself growing hard and trying to come up with a way to get Baz to go home with him.

He knew that it was a bad idea. You should never try to have meaningless sex with someone who you once had feelings for. It would only lead to disaster, but once he had a taste, it was like he couldn’t get enough.

It was like he had been drowning, and Baz pulled his head above water. Being with Baz was like the first breath of air after being deprived of it, and it was nothing like Simon had ever experienced before.

That’s why even though he knew that he should, he couldn’t put an end to this. Simon liked what they were doing too much to just give it up. He’d never felt this way with anyone else. Even his last boyfriend never made him feel as good as Baz does.

They didn’t talk as Baz led Simon inside his flat and to his bedroom, and Simon was beginning to realize how much they don’t seem to talk around each other. It was all sex between them, getting off as quickly as possible before leaving, and Simon would never admit how much he hated that.

That night, Simon took the time to slowly open Baz up, fingering him slowly and drawing Baz’s pleasure out, delighting in the way that Baz fell apart beneath him. As he gasped and moaned and begged for more, Simon memorized every sound that he made, wanting to commit it to memory for reasons he wouldn’t think about.

When he finally pushed his cock deep inside of Baz, he moaned low in his throat, resting his cheek against Baz’s for a moment while they both adjusted to the feeling.

Simon squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a steady breath, before sitting up and slowly pulling out of Baz before slamming back in.

Baz’s finger dug into Simon’s back, gasping out sounds of pleasure, as Simon started out slow before steadily increasing his pace.

As Baz began to thrust his hips up to meet him, Simon brought his hand between them and began pulling on Baz’s cock in time with their movements.

Their eyes met, and Simon felt an overwhelming rush of emotions wash over him. He couldn’t put a name to what they all were, but he found himself coming inside of Baz with a loud moan.

Baz came a few seconds later, and they collapsed on the bed next to each other, breathing heavily but not saying anything.

Simon found that he had so many things that he wanted to say to Baz, but none of them felt right in that moment.

After a few minutes, Simon sat up and looked around the room, looking for his clothes.

He didn’t want to leave, but reluctantly, he slid out of Baz’s bed, collecting his clothes from the floor before disappearing into the bathroom to clean up and dress.

Baz was dressed when he stepped back out, and Simon wished that he could cross over to him, pull him into his arms, and kiss him, but he couldn’t because Baz didn’t want that, which was evident from the way that his expression held nothing as he looked up at Simon.

It was like Baz couldn’t care less about Simon, and it was killing Simon as he realized it.

Simon said goodbye and hurried back out to his car, thinking that he shouldn’t do this again but knowing that given the chance, he definitely would.

***

The fourth time they met, Baz took charge, drawing pleasure from Simon slowly enough to drive Simon crazy with lust.

He slowly trailed his mouth over Simon’s body, kissing and biting lightly, not leaving any marks even though Simon told him that he could. Apparently, he didn’t want either of them to have proof of what they were doing. He didn’t want there to be any chance of someone finding out about them.

The realization of how ashamed Baz was to be with him hurt, but Simon was too wrapped up in the pleasure of what he was doing to think too much about it at the time.

By the time that Baz finally put his mouth where Simon wanted it, he was so close to orgasm that he was afraid that he’d come instantly.

His hands tightened in the sheets as Baz wrapped his warm mouth around the tip of his cock, sucking and licking until Simon was panting and practically begging him for more. One of Baz’s hands was wrapped loosely around the base of Simon’s cock occasionally stroking the shaft.

“Please,” Simon gasped, his hand coming up to thread his fingers through Baz’s hair.

Baz glanced up at him, his eyes hooded and filled with lust, then he surprised Simon by taking him all the way down in one go.

“Hnng,” Simon groaned, eyes rolling back.

Baz slowly pulled off, letting his teeth graze the shaft 

It was unexpected and more pleasurable than Simon ever could have imagined, and it caused Simon to involuntarily thrust up into Baz’s mouth, making him gag a little before pulling off.

“I’m sorry,” Simon gasped, trying to regain control of himself.

“It’s okay,” Baz said before adding even quieter, “I liked it.”

“Fuck,” Simon breathed, barely able to contain the shiver that ran through his body. “C-can I?” Simon asked, his body shaking with the effort of keeping his hips still.

Baz’s eyes widened ever so slightly, but he nodded. “Yes,” he said before taking Simon’s cock back into his mouth.

Tightening his grip in Baz’s hair, Simon started out with slow, shallow thrusts, trying to be careful, but when Baz squeezed his hips, encouraging him, Simon began to thrust deeper, watching as his cock disappeared into Baz’s mouth.

Baz was beautiful, and Simon couldn’t believe that Baz trusted him enough to do this. He wanted to reach out with his free hand and trail his fingers down the side of Baz’s face, but he decided that it was best to keep his hands to himself at that moment.

“I-I’m going to come,” Simon gasped a few moments later, his body shuddering with how close to the edge he was.

Baz pulled away abruptly, and Simon was ashamed to say that he whined at the loss of Baz’s warm mouth, but then Baz was saying, “Wait. I don’t want you to come until I’m inside you,” and he couldn’t complain.

Simon readjusted his position, bending his legs and spreading them in order to give Baz access to his hole, and Baz began making quick work of opening him up while taking care to make sure that he was prepped enough, placing a kiss to the inside of Simon’s thigh as he worked.

“You’re gorgeous,” Baz whispered so quietly that Simon was pretty sure that he wasn’t supposed to hear it.

It sent shivers down his spine, and his eyes fluttered shut as he felt Baz’s fingers moving in and out of him. He hated the effect that Baz had on him. He hated how easily he fell apart when Baz touched him.

When Baz finally slid into him, Simon had been on the edge so long that he knew he wouldn’t last very long, but it felt so good and right to have Baz inside of him, filling him up.

As Baz thrust into him, Simon wanted to reach down and touch himself, but he was afraid of coming too soon, and it felt nice enough with Baz moving inside of him, hitting that spot deep within him.

Simon was right, and he didn’t last more than a couple of minutes, but Baz followed him to his climax soon after.

They were both breathing heavily as Baz slipped out of him, and Simon felt sleepy and happy as he came down from the high of his orgasm.

Baz lay beside him for a long time, and Simon wanted to ask him to stay the night but knew that it was stupid to hope that Baz would want anything more than a quick fuck.

Finally, Simon started to feel gross with his come all over his stomach, and he sat up to go get cleaned. Without a word, Baz got up and started dressing, leaving with little more than a murmured goodnight.

Again, Simon was left feeling like he wanted this so much more than Baz, and he was angry at himself for not being able to just have some fun without letting his feelings get in the way.

***

The fifth time was different. There was almost no awkwardness between them, and it seemed like their goal was more to just spend time together than to get to a bed as quickly as possible.

They danced together for a while, neither of them drinking much this time, hands roaming each other’s bodies as much as they dared in public.

Simon felt good with Baz there, and he couldn’t believe that Baz would choose to be with him when he could probably have any guy that he wanted.

Eventually, they made it back to Simon’s place, falling into bed together.

As the night progressed, it became clear that this night would be the most memorable, and Simon found himself never wanting the night to end.

It was the most sensual time, and it was the first time that they kissed.

Simon had barely managed to lock the door behind them when Baz pulled him into his arms and kissed him, their lips pressing urgently together before softening as they relaxed into the kiss.

Simon half-expected Baz to pull away immediately, but they stayed like that in Simon’s entryway for several minutes, taking the time to explore each other’s mouths for the first time. Simon was pretty sure that it was the best kiss he had ever experienced, and he wouldn’t have minded if it was all they had done that night.

When they finally did part, Simon was breathless and hard and almost certain that he was going to do something stupid before the night ended.

Simon slowly led Baz to his bed, and they fell into it together, moving slower than usual, like they wanted to draw out the night.

They moved together fluidly, easily giving each other pleasure with the things they’d learned about each other over the time that they’d spent together. This time it felt more like they were making love, rather than just trying to get off with each other, and Simon could feel himself falling for Baz more and more as the night progressed.

Baz teased Simon for a long time, holding off his orgasm until he came as soon as Baz’s hand touched his cock. It was the hardest that he could ever remember coming, and it took him a moment to pull himself together so that he could return the favor.

Using just his mouth, Simon started at Baz’s neck and began moving down his chest, stopping to play with his nipples from a moment before continuing on. He bypassed Baz’s cock, rubbing his face against his leg, where he yearned to leave little love bites on his inner thigh.

It wasn’t likely that anyone would see them if he had, but respecting Baz’s wish not to be marked, Simon settled for dragging his teeth lightly over the sensitive skin there, drawing a low moan from Baz.

Then, he began to suck Baz off, starting off slowly, sucking on the head for a while before taking more of him in, bit by bit.

Simon moved up and down, licking and sucking on Baz’s cock as he slowly increased his pace until he had Baz moaning beneath him before he finally came with a low sound that sounded a lot like Simon’s name.

Simon couldn’t help himself, and he moved back up the bed to kiss Baz breathlessly for long moments, their tongues wrapping around each other as their hands aimlessly rubbed over each other’s bodies. It felt like it might physically pain them to stop touching each other.

Simon found himself getting hard again as they kissed, and when he moved to adjust his position, he was pleased to find that Baz was getting hard, too.

Simon moved slowly against him, rubbing their cocks together as he dragged his mouth across Baz’s cheek and over to his ear, which he tugged at with his teeth.

Baz groaned and bucked up into him, creating more friction. With a low growl, Simon kissed him again, and he sped up his movements the best that he could without removing his mouth from Baz’s.

Soon, they had both come again, and when Baz got up to go clean himself in the en suite, Simon followed silently after. They cleaned up together, avoiding each other’s eyes, and there was a question sitting heavily on Simon’s tongue as he tried to get up the nerve to voice it.

_Will you stay the night?_ He wanted to ask.

He couldn’t do it, though. He didn’t want to mess things up, so he watched as Baz got dressed, and his heart did a flip as Baz kissed him once more, softly, before leaving.

When Baz was gone, leaving Simon alone in his suddenly too-big bed, Simon realized that he was screwed. He’d fallen in over his head.

This was all just supposed to be fun. Baz kept repeating that every time they were together as one of them dressed to leave, and Simon could feel himself moving past simple fun.

He’d begun to develop feelings for his ex-rival. Those old feelings had come rushing back, and he knew that he was screwed because they were now stronger than ever.

He was falling in love with Baz, but Baz only wanted him for sex. The best thing to do would be to stop all of this, but Simon knew that he couldn’t do it.

He would keep returning to Baz for as long as Baz wanted him, even if it destroyed him.


	2. (Wishing to be) The Friction in Your Jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon gets jealous when he sees Baz with another guy, and he wishes that he could be the only person who's allowed to touch Baz like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted by itself, but after writing the prequel and deciding to write a sequel, I decided to rewrite it in thrid person and edit parts of it so that it fits better with the other part.

Simon knows that what he and Baz have been doing with each other was just a bit of fun, a few nights where they forgot their old school rivalry and gave into pleasure, but as he watches Baz dancing with some other guy in the same bar where they had been meeting up at for a few weeks now, he feels something like jealousy rise up inside of him.

The guy is grinding shamelessly against Baz, and Simon wants to be that guy. He wants to be dancing close to Baz, causing that friction in his jeans and listening to those little gasps that he’s grown familiar with. He wants to hear the soft moans that would escape from Baz even though he tried to bite them back while Simon moved against him. He wants to be the only one who can touch him like that.

The nights that Baz and Simon spent together could be seen as drunken mistakes, but truthfully, neither of them were really all that drunk, and Simon doesn’t think of them as mistakes. He made the choice to be with Baz each of those nights, and he wouldn’t take them back for anything.

It wasn’t even supposed to happen more than that first time when Simon was surprised to see his old crush and even more surprised to watch as that same guy went down on him in the bathroom of the bar, but it began to seem like every time that they ran into each other after that, they ended up in bed together, unable to keep their hands off of each other, which if Simon’s being honest, is the reason that he came out tonight.

He was hoping that he would run into Baz again and convince him to go home with him, playing it off like it was nothing, like it didn’t mean anything. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun.

Of course, it no longer feels like nothing. (Simon isn’t sure it ever did.)

He doesn’t understand how Baz can act so indifferent about it. They had spent several nights learning each other’s bodies, find the spots that caused the other to moan and push into their touch, but it’s like Baz couldn’t care less about any of it.

Maybe Simon just isn’t as good at meaningless flings as Baz is.

As Simon watches Baz dance with the strange guy – if you could even call it dancing – Baz looks up and catches his eye, smirking as he allows the other guy to suck on his neck, the same way that he would never allow Simon to, not wanting any evidence of what they were doing together to be left on his skin.

Simon grinds his teeth together, feeling more than jealousy now. It feels more like anger (a possessive anger that he has no right to feel – Baz was never his, and he’s free to do as he pleases with whoever he wants) as the feeling rises to the surface, and he knows that if he doesn’t get out of here now, he’ll do something stupid, like deck the guy who is now shamelessly groping Baz’s arse. And Baz is letting him.

With one last glance in Baz’s direction, whose eyes have now fallen shut as he grips onto the other man’s waist, holding him close, Simon slams his empty glass down on the bar before turning and stomping out of the club, accidentally bumping into a few people as tears and anger blind him.

He only makes it as far as the alley beside the club before he slumps against the wall, angrily wiping away the tears in his eyes. He balls his hands into fists as he tries to regain control of his emotions.

Stupid Baz and his stupid hair and his stupid hands that hold onto other guys.

He knows that he shouldn’t be this about Baz dancing with someone else. He knows that there was never anything real between them, but that doesn’t change the fact that he has very real feelings for him.

Simon closes his eyes and sucks in a slow, deep breath, know that it won’t help, but he has to try to calm down. Then he has to get of here.

He should have known better than to allow Baz to get under his skin, especially after all of these years.

They never got along very well in school, and Simon never expected something like this to happen.

He never expected to _like_ him. But it’s more than that. It’s grown into something more than a stupid crush, and he was foolish to ever hope that Baz could feel the same way.

Simon tears a hand through his hair, frustrated, silently cursing himself for letting this happen. He doesn’t hear anyone approach him, but suddenly, someone is there, speaking to him.

“I never took you for the jealous type,” a familiar voice says, startling Simon.

It’s not just someone. It’s Baz.

Simon briefly wonders how he managed to detach that guy from his neck before opening his eyes to find Baz standing less than a foot a way from me. He glances at Baz’s neck but doesn’t see any marks there, which should make him feel better but only makes him angrier as he remembers the way that that guy was just all over him.

“I can practically smell the anger burning off of you,” Baz says. “It’s got a smoky scent to it.”

Simon scowls at him before looking pointedly at the cigarette butts littering the ground around them.

“You know…” Baz says, taking a step closer, “I don’t think that your anger would smell quite like that.”

“Yeah, then what would it smell like?” Simon asks, unsure why he’s playing along with this.

Except, Baz is looking at him the way that he has so many nights before, and Simon can’t help it. He’s weak and in love, and he would give anything to have Baz in his arms again.

“It would definitely smell nicer, like something cooking, rather than the acrid stench of cigarettes.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you? What with all the smokers you hang around.” He doesn’t actually know whether that guy Baz was with smokes, and he hates how jealous he is. He hates how much he wants to be the only one who is allowed to touch Baz, when he has no right to ask for that.

“More like from how much time I’ve spent around _you_.”

Simon’s breath hitches in his throat as Baz crowds him up against the brick wall without even touching him.

Baz’s breath is warm against his ear as he brushes his lips along the line of his jaw.

“What happened to that the other guy?” Simon asks distractedly, his hands coming up to loosely grip Baz’s his hips. He should be pushing him away, but he can’t.

“Does it matter?” Baz asks, tugging at Simon’s ear with his teeth, eliciting a groan from him.

“Not really.”

“Good.”

Then, Baz leans forward to kiss him, and Simon leans into it without putting up any kind of fight.

Too soon, Baz is pulling back to look at Simon’s face, meeting his gaze.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Baz murmurs.

Simon should say no, put an end to this before he gets hurt again, but he wants this one last night with him. He can end it later, tell Baz that he can’t do this anymore, but first, he wants one last blissful night with him.

Simon nods, and Baz is instantly pulling him out of the alley and in the direction of where he parked his car. They usually drive separately, but Simon isn’t going to complain about being able to spend more time in his presence.

He can’t keep the grin off of his face as he follows Baz, but it doesn’t matter because Baz can’t see it. Baz will never know how Simon feels about him.

He’ll only ever see him as a good fuck.

***

They arrive at Baz’s house, and Simon barely lets him get the car turned off before he’s leaning over to kiss him, hand cupping his cheek, unable to keep away from for a moment longer.

The kiss is anything but gentle as Simon puts all of his need and desire into it, telling him without words how much he wants him.

Baz returns the kiss for a long moment before pulling away.

“We have to actually get out of my car if you want to do anything.”

“Who says?”

“Me,” his fingers come up to comb through Simon’s hair for a moment, and Simon has to fight to keep his eyes from fluttering shut. “I want you in my bed.”

Simon growls, feeling his cock harden in his jeans. “Okay,” he agrees before turning to get out of the car, listening to Baz chuckle before following after him.

As soon as they get inside, Baz is pushing Simon up against the door, hand roaming under his shirt and tongue brushing over his lips, seeking entrance. Simon parts his lips, letting him in, moaning as our tongues meet and swirl around each other.

Baz presses his body flush and against his, and Simon can feel the hard line of his cock against his thigh. He reaches for Baz’s hips to pull him even closer and direct his movements against his, both of them moaning as their cocks rub against each other. It feels amazing, even through the layers of their clothing.

Desperate to feel more of him, Simon starts unbuttoning his shirt, slowly revealing the smooth skin of his torso. Apparently deciding that he’s moving too slowly, Baz helps him with the last of the buttons.

Pushing the shirt off of his shoulders, Simon moves to trail kisses down the side of his neck and down to his collarbone, biting down but not hard enough to mark him, all while trying not to think about how that other guy was touching Baz, kissing his neck.

Baz chose Simon tonight. That’s what matters.

Simon pushes into him, rubbing their cocks together again, before leaning back up to capture his lips, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth.

“Bed,” Baz gasps, and Simon can see how much of a struggle it is to pull away from him. Then Baz is tugging him forward and leading him towards the hall.

Not wanting to part from him for long, Simon hurries after him, attempting kick his shoes off as they walk, stumbling a few times. Baz does the same, a little more gracefully, and they manage to make it halfway done the hall before it’s his turn to push Baz up against the wall and kiss him silly.

Simon fumbles with Baz’s belt as they explore each other’s mouth, struggling to undo it blindly. Once he’s finally got it undone, he starts to move to the button of his jeans, but Baz is pushing his hands out of the way so that he can get at Simon’s clothes, tugging his shirt up and off, tossing it aside, before moving to his jeans.

Baz slide his hand inside Simon’s trousers to palm at his cock through his pants, and Simon’s moans loudly, bowing his head and resting it on his shoulder as Baz rubs him off.

Simon swears that he could come just from this, moans escaping him wildly now.

Usually, he’d be embarrassed by how much noise he’s making, but he’s enjoying himself too much to care right now.

Baz rubs at him agonizingly slowly before letting go, causing Simon to have to bite back an embarrassing whine at the loss of his touch, and pushing Simon towards his room once more. Simon allows him to lead him the rest of the way there without pushing him up against any more walls.

“Take the rest of your clothes off,” Baz commands once we’ve reached the bed, and the way that he says it sends blood rushing down to Simon’s cock, hardening it further.

“Fuck,” Simon breathes before doing as he says.

Baz watches him for a moment with an appraising gaze before doing the same, Simon bites back a moan as he watches him strip off his pants.

“On the bed,” Baz says, unashamedly eyeing him up and down.

Eager to get on with this, Simon scrambles onto the bed, lying on his back against the pillows, and waits for Baz to join him. Baz watches him for another moment before slowly crawling across the bed until he’s hovering over Simon, straddling his thighs.

Their eyes meet, and for a moment, it’s just the two of them. Nothing matters except this moment right here, gazing into each other’s eyes like there’s no one else in the world they’d rather be with.

Then, unable to take it any longer, Simon pushes himself up so that he can kiss him, still surprised that he’s allowed to do this after being denied it for so long. It’s mostly tongues and teeth this time, but it feels good as Baz gently pushes him back down on the bed, slowly rubbing his cock down against Simon’s with nowhere near enough pressure to satisfy.

He keeps doing it, tracing Simon’s lips sensuously with his tongue, leaving Simon wanting to beg for more. Simon swallows a whine, and having had enough of the teasing, he grabs Baz’s hips and flip them.

Baz groans as Simon rubs their cocks together roughly, finally getting the friction that he needs.

Simon kisses him again, plunging his tongue into his mouth, wanting to memorize the taste of him.

Simon’s sucks on Baz’s tongue chasing the taste of him and drawing a low moan from him, before moving to kiss down his neck, wanting to suck and bite at it, but respecting his desire not to be marked.

Baz’s fingers come up to tangle in Simon hair, and he pushes Simon’s head down closer to his neck.

“Mark me,” Baz whispers.

Surprised, Simon pulls back to look at him, wanting to be sure that he heard him correctly.

“Are you sure?”

“_Yes_.”

“I thought you didn’t want anyone to see.”

Baz shakes his head. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.”

Simon wants to press for more, find out why Baz suddenly changed his mind, but now is not the time for talking.

Simon starts up a new path down Baz’s neck, biting and sucking, leaving several marks as he moves down his chest to one of his nipples, biting it before licking over it soothingly.

He moves over to the other one, drawing it between his lips to suck on it before releasing it and moving back up to eye level.

Suddenly, Simon feels nervous.

They’ve done this same thing multiple times, but for some reason, this feels different. Like it may be the last time that they do this.

It’s probably for the best, now that Simon has fallen for him. It’s no longer casually, and he doesn’t know how many more times that he can do this before he snaps.

Simon kisses him once more, softly, their lips barely brushing. It’s probably the gentlest and they’ve ever kissed, and Simon takes a moment to savor it.

When he pulls away, he meets Baz’s eyes before saying, “I want to ride you.”

“Yeah,” he says, nodding. “Yes, do it.”

Simon reaches over to the drawer of Baz’s nightstand to grab the lube that he knows that Baz keeps there and a condom. Baz’s fingers dig into Simon’s hips to help steady him, and the pressure is just this this side of painful, but it feels good.

Slicking up his fingers, Simon presses one into his hole slowly, moving it around a bit before quickly adding another, eager to have something else inside of him.

As Simon fingers himself open, Baz’s hands rub up and down his thighs, then his sides, over to his nipples, which he rolls between his fingers, occasionally pinching them, eliciting a quiet growl from Simon.

Simon removes his fingers from his arse, moaning, before grabbing the condom and sliding it over Baz’s cock.

“Ready?” Simon asks him, meeting Baz’s lust-blown eyes.

“Yes,” he replies, his hands moving back to Simon hips as he positions himself over his cock.

Simon takes a deep breath before lowering himself down, gasping as the head of Baz’s cock breaches his hole. He stops for a moment, adjusting to the intrusion, before continuing, sliding down his cock inch by inch as he fills him up.

Simon leans down to kiss him once more, giving himself a moment to adjust to the feeling of Baz’s cock inside him.

Then, he shifts his hips slightly, moving up his cock just the slightest before slamming back down. Baz’s fingers dig into his sides, probably leaving marks, but Simon doesn’t care.

Simon does it again, moving off just an inch or two before thrusting back and down, and they both moan.

“More,” Baz grinds out.

Sliding slowly off his cock, Simon moves almost all the way off before sliding back down, hard. He keeps doing thing, gaining speed as he moves, starting up a fast pace.

Simon’s hand rest on Baz’s chest, his fingers digging into his skin, the beat of his heart just below them.

Baz starts to thrust up to meet him, and hits that spot inside of Simon that sends sparks of pleasure throughout his body.

One of Baz’s hands slides from Simon’s hips to his cock, and he begins pulling him off in time with their thrusts. The feeling of his hand on my cock and his cock thrusting into him give Simon no hope of holding back that moans that have been threatening to spill out of him as pleasure courses through him.

They keep moving together, and Simon comes first, his come shooting out across Baz’s chest and his arse clenching around his cock. It isn’t long before Baz is coming, too, his movements stuttering as he thrusts into Simon a few more times.

It’s a struggle to keep himself upright as Simon’s orgasm rips through him, his arms shaking where they support him on top of Baz.

As he comes back down from that delicious high, Simon carefully lifts himself off of Baz, feeling suddenly empty without his cock inside of him. He moves to the side, avoiding the mess that they’ve made, and collapses onto the bed next to Baz.

They’re quiet for a while as they catch their breath, and Simon wishes that he could reach out and touch Baz again, intertwine their fingers together. But he can’t. Baz doesn’t want that.

Before Simon relaxes enough to start to fall asleep, he sits up.

“I should probably get going,” he says, looking around for his clothes before remembering that they’re strung about through Baz’s flat.

“Stay,” Baz says, and his hand reaches out to wrap loosely around Simon’s wrist.

“What?”

He’s never let Simon do that before, always insisting that they shouldn’t stay the night together. Simon’s never argued it before, no matter how much he wanted to. It was better just to leave so that he didn’t get too attached. (Not that it really helped.”

“I want you to stay,” Baz says, and when Simon turns to look at him, his expression is soft, his gaze hopeful.

Simon finds himself about to ask him why, but then he starts to wonder why he’s protesting. He wants this. _Baz_ wants this. He wants Simon to stay with him, in his bed. Why would he say no?

“Okay.” Simon nods.

***

After they’ve cleaned up and they’re lying in Baz’s bed together, a thought occurs to Simon.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Did what?” Baz asks.

“Danced with that other guy. You wanted to make me jealous.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says innocently.

“If you wanted me in your bed, all you had to do was ask.”

“Noted.”

They’re quiet for a while, the only sound their breathing as Simon pull Baz against his chest, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.

Simon takes a moment to admire the little love bites that he left on Baz’s neck and across his chest, the places where he claimed him. The places where Baz allowed him to mark him, without any protest.

Baz rolls over so that his back is pressed against Simon’s chest, and Simon smiles to himself, burying his face in Baz’s hair.

Simon has just about drifted off to sleep when Baz speaks again.

“You’re welcome in my bed anytime.”

“I don’t think that’d go over well with all those other guys you bring home.” Even with Baz in his arms, he can’t hide how jealous he was earlier.

“What other guys?” Simon can hear the nervousness in his voice as he says it, and his heart skips a beat as realizes that he isn’t lying.

Simon is the only guy he brings home. It surprises him, but it also brings a pleased smile to his face.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I mean, your bed is rather comfortable.”

“Wanker,” he says, pinching Simon’s arm, but he can practically hear Baz smiling.

Simon laughs into his hair and wraps his arms tighter around him.

He thinks that he might just take him up on his offer. He doesn’t want Baz to be with anyone but him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Am I more than you bargained for yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz may be exclusive now, but exclusively what? Simon decides to find out what he means to Baz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the others, but I really just wanted to find a nice way to tie up the ending, and I hope you all like it.

Simon and Baz have been meeting up for several months now. At first it was just once a week when they ran into each other at a bar, but now, ever since Baz told Simon that there were no other guys, they’ve been meeting up several times a week.

While it has moved on from simply casual sex, Simon isn’t sure what they are. He’s pretty sure that they’re exclusive, but beyond that, he doesn’t know much else about their little arrangement. For example, are they exclusive friends with benefits? Exclusive ex-rivals who occasionally hang out and mostly sleep together? Or are they more than that? Does Baz think of them as friends? Or does he think of them as thing that Simon most wants but is the least likely thing to be true – boyfriends?

Neither of them have ever used that word before, but Simon wants to. He’s just afraid that if he does, or if he even brings it up in conversation, that he’ll scare Baz off, and he doesn’t want to lose him. He likes spending time with him, and he’s worried that a relationship is more than what Baz bargained for when this all began.

Simon likes what they have, but he wants more. He wants to be able to tell people that he’s dating Baz, and he wants to go on a real first date with him instead of these hangouts that are nothing more than a prelude to what more often than not ends with them lying naked together in one of their beds.

He wants to tell Penny the truth about why he and Baz are hanging out. He almost had to once when she showed up at his flat while Baz was over.

Luckily, they were still clothed at the time, but Simon still struggled to come up for a reason why Baz was at his flat. He couldn’t tell her the truth, not when he didn’t know for sure what it was. Of course, it was Baz who saved him, coming to stand behind him, so close that Simon could feel the heat radiating off of him.

He even thought that he felt Baz’s hand on the small of his back, and it was all he could do not to react to his touch as Baz spoke to Penny.

“We’ve decided to turn over a new leaf,” Baz told her. “We’re friends now.”

_Yeah. Friends with benefits_, Simon thought.

Penny left soon after that, not asking too many questions and saying that she would come back another time, and then Baz had Simon pushed up against the wall, kissing and sucking at his neck, and that was the closet that they have ever come to talking about what they are.

It isn’t always about sex when they hang out anymore. Sometimes they’ll just chill, watching television or talking about some of the classes that they’re taking at the university.

Simon was surprised to find that they attend the same school, but he isn’t surprised that they haven’t run into each other. It’s a big place, and they’re majoring in completely different things, so there wasn’t much overlap in the classes that they’ve taken.

There have been more than one night where, after a long day of classes, one of them would show up at the other’s place just needing a place to escape to. Sometimes the next thing they did was kiss and work as quickly as possible to remove each other’s clothes, but other times, they just hung out and cooked dinner together.

Well, Baz cooked while Simon made dessert. Simon was always better at baking and was absolutely rubbish at cooking anything that required more work than sticking it in the microwave to heat it up. Even then, he sometimes managed to overcook things.

The point is that it was simply nice to have someone to be with. Simon was finally getting the chance to really get to know Baz, and he loved it.

Looking back, he isn’t sure why they were so awful to each other in school.

For Simon, he thinks that it was easier to pretend to hate Baz back than it was to admit how he really felt about Baz, and now, he’s wondering whether Baz ever really hated him or if he was also just putting up an act.

They’ve managed to get along really well after that first night that they ran into each other, and now that they’re actually talking, Simon has begun to find that he and Baz have quite a bit in common, and with each passing day he’s falling deeper in love with Baz. Even on the days that they don’t see each other, he finds that he spends most of the time thinking about Baz and all of the things that he wants to tell him about when he sees him again.

The only thing that Simon wishes he could change is the uncertainty of what exactly their relationship, which he thinks that he should tonight.

Tonight was one of those nights that started out with the cooking. Simon had shown up after his last class ended, not even stopping back by his flat, heading straight for Baz’s place, wanting to see him.

As Baz cooked, Simon sat on the countertop watching Baz move around, expertly throwing things he found around the kitchen into a pot. Simon was less watching what he was making and more watching the way that Baz moved, with a quiet sort of confidence.

When Baz stepped away from the pot, they had a nice make out session with Baz standing between Simon’s legs, tilting his head up to meet his lips, until Baz reluctantly pushed Simon away, saying that he needed to check the food.

While they ate at the small table, sitting across from each other, they played footsie, both of them smiling as they ate in silence. Simon loved these quiet moments, the ones where it was enough just to be in each other’s presence.

After dinner, rather than going straight to Baz’s room, they curled up together on the couch, Simon sitting between Baz’s legs and leaning back against his chest while they watched some movie that was playing on tv.

As the third or fourth commercial break began, Simon turned in Baz’s arms to kiss him softly, his mouth opening on a sigh to allow Baz’s tongue to slip inside.

Simon isn’t sure how the movie ended because he ended up straddling Baz’s lap and rutting against him until Baz lifted him up and carried him to his bed, kissing him and running his hands over him lovingly.

They slowly worked to remove each other’s clothes, not in any hurry tonight They were taking their time, sliding against each other and caressing each other’s bodies, delighting in the soft sounds that the other made.

Baz took care to open Simon up slowly, pressing kisses and light bites across his skin as his fingers slid and out of him. Then, Simon was pulling him up so that he could kiss him and wrap his legs around Baz’s waist, telling him that he was ready.

When Baz slid inside, they continued to kiss slowly for a while, Baz barely thrusting in and out of him at first. Then, they parted, and Baz started kissing down the side of Simon’s neck as his movements picked up speed, drawing low moans from his lover as he hit that spot inside of him almost every time.

Simon’s hand found his own cock, and he began to pull himself off as their eyes met. Simon knew that Baz could probably see exactly how Simon felt in the way that he looked at him, but Simon didn’t care. He wanted Baz to know he feels about him, how deeply he cares for him.

Baz murmured Simon’s name in an affectionate tone, and Simon came between them, clenching down on Baz’s arse, causing him to come, too, after just a few more thrusts. 

Now, they’re lying in bed together, and Simon can’t get his mind to shut off.

Tonight was amazing. Every night with Baz is amazing, but he can’t stop wondering what any of it means, if he really means something to Baz, or if he just likes having sex with Simon. He may be the only one in Baz’s bed, but he doesn’t know if he’s the one in his heart.

Simon has to know. He doesn’t know why that need is strong tonight, but finally, he decides to just ask.

Knowing the truth will be better than always wondering, waiting for Baz to tire of him and find someone else. So, before he can change his mind, he speaks.

“Baz?” Simon says quietly into the air as he stares up at the ceiling.

Baz’s head is resting on his chest as Simon cards his fingers through his hair while Baz’s fingers trail designs over his stomach.

“Yeah, Simon?”

“What are we doing?”

“Lying in my bed.”

“No. I mean–.” He shakes his head. “What is this thing between us?”

“I thought we already talked about this.”

“No, we didn’t. You just said that there were no other guys.”

Baz sits up so that he can see Simon’s face, and something that he sees there cause him to frown.

“Okay, what do you want to know then?”

“Are we just having fun until you find someone else? Or are we more than that?”

Baz thinks about it for a moment, his forehead creasing in thought, his thumb idly rubbing around Simon’s naval as he leans over him. Finally, he meets Simon’s eyes again. He isn’t quite frowning anymore, but Simon can’t read his expression either.

“I like you, Simon. I would like to date you – I thought we kind of were, but then, you couldn’t even tell your friend about us, so I thought you were ashamed. I didn’t want to push you into something that you don’t want”

“I’m not ashamed of you,” Simon says, lifting his hand to rest against Baz’s cheek, and Baz leans into his touch. “I thought you just wanted me for sex, and I couldn’t tell Penny that.”

“So, what do you want?” Baz asks.

“I want to be your boyfriend,” Simon says, and he smiles when he sees the way that Baz’s face lights up.

“Good. That’s what I want, too.”

Simon sighs, and it feels like all of the tension leaves his body.

“If this was really bothering you that much, you should have said something.”

“I was afraid of what you would say,” Simon admits with a shrug.

“Simon, there is only you. It has only ever been you.”

Simon’s breath catches in his throat, and for a moment, he just opens and closes his mouth, shocked, unsure how to respond to that.

“I love you.” The words just come spilling out. Simon hadn’t meant to say it right now, and he wishes that he could pull the blanket up over his head and hide from the world.

He tries to work out a way to take it back, but then Baz is grinning at him and saying it back.

“I love you, too, Simon.”

“You don’t have to say it back just because I said it. I didn’t mean to tell you like that.”

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’ve loved you for so long that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I think I might,” Simon admits, a blush staining his cheeks.

“Is that so?” Baz asks, quirking a brow at him.

“Yeah, I-I’ve loved you for a while now.”

Baz reaches out to push Simon’s hair out of his face, a small smile playing on his lips.

“So have I. Since school.”

Simon is shocked, but he nods. “Me, too,” He says quietly.

He told himself it was just a crush because it was easier than being in love with someone who hates you, but he’s never felt that way about anyone else, so there was never any doubt in his mind. He’s been in love with Baz for years.

He thought that those feelings had gone away after they left school and stopped seeing each other, but the moment that Baz pushed him against that bathroom door and leaned into him, he knew that he was wrong. He was so wrong.

He kept denying the feelings though, especially to himself. It was easier that way. It was easier to just have some fun with Baz because having him like that was better than not having him at all.

“I can’t believe that we spent our school years fighting when we could have been doing something else.”

“I can’t believe you never said anything,” Simon says. “You always acted like you hated me.”

“What about you?”

“I’m not the one who started a fight every chance that they got.”

“Fair point. But the important thing is that we’re together now.”

“So true,” Simon says, reaching up to kiss Baz before rolling them over and pushing him down into the bed.

Simon moves slowly, kissing him long and lovingly, wanting to do this right. Tonight, he wants to show Baz how much he loves him, and tomorrow, he wants to take them out on their first official date.

Simon is happy that they finally talked, and his heart swells when he meets Baz’s eyes and recognizes the love and admiration there. It’s the same look he has in his own eyes. As he holds Baz his arms again later that night, he decides that he’s never going to let him go. He’s going to do everything that he can to make sure that he is the only one who is allowed to hold him this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and thank you to everyone who asked for another part! <3


End file.
